I was born in Jamaica; however, I am now a U.S. citizen and live in China. When people in China ask me where I am from in English, I normally say that I am from the U. S. or the United States. Sometimes people do not know the phrase “the U. S.” or “the United States” if their English level is low, so I will say 美国. Of course, many Chinese people, even those will low English skills, know “America,” but I do not like to call the U.S. “America.” America is made up of two continents: North America and South America. Within these two continents, there are many countries. So, I do not like to refer to the U.S. as though it is all of America, or the only place worthy of mention on the two continents.
I normally do not explain to strangers in China that I was born in Jamaica, even though I am very proud of my Jamaican heritage. I do not mention it for several reasons. First, many people do not know the country Jamaica. Sometimes if I mention Usain Bolt, they go, “Ahhhhh!,” then they imitate someone running. I then point out that I personally can’t run fast. However, people frequently tell my husband Ben, who is Chinese, that our children will be athletic. In such situations, I nod and laugh awkwardly. Ben once asked me why I find it offensive for people to say that black people are very athletic. “Isn’t that a complement?” I asked him, “When a white person is good at sports, do people say it’s because of his race? No, they assume it’s because he worked hard at the sport. To have your hard work and effort be minimized to your race is not a complement. Also, the history of black people as slaves, with their physical prowess likened to that of non-human animals, makes me at least feel more than a little uncomfortable at people’s assumptions about my physical abilities based on race.”
Even if people have heard of Jamaica, they often do not know where the small island is located. I don’t fault them. My geography is probably worse than theirs. Ben and I had an awkward conversation with my father-in-law when we explained that Jamaica was not in Africa; he didn’t believe us until he checked it out on Baidu (the Chinese Google). Last summer, after Ben, his parents, and I all got back from our trip to Jamaica, his tai-chi teacher asked him, “How’s the weather in Africa?” When Ben told me this, it took me a really long time to figure out why he would ask that. Ah, yes, I’m black, so Jamaica must be in Africa. When other people asked me how long it took me to fly from Atlanta to Jamaica, you could see the shock when I told them about 2.5 hours. Was Africa that close to the U.S.?
When I bother to explain where Jamaica is, say to my students, the usual response is, “Oh, it’s a part of Central America!” Ah, sure? Again, my geography isn’t the best. I know Jamaica is a part of the Caribbean and North America. I don’t know that it’s normally classified as being part of Central America. I remember being very excited two years ago on Cinco de Mayo because there was going to be a live band on campus singing Spanish songs. The student who advertised this event failed to inform “the band” in advance, and on the day of I had to explain to him that while my boss Don and I do sing together with the students from time-to-time in English, with the occasional Chinese song, I 1) do not speak Spanish, 2) do not know any Spanish songs (except “Feliz Navidad,” which isn’t that appropriate in May), and 3) had never actually been asked to perform. If he had bother asking us in advance, we could have disillusioned him of his inaccurate assumptions about my heritage, and Don’s knowledge of Spanish songs on the guitar. My students’ association with North America as being Canada and the U.S., and then every other country in the continent being Central America, leads to a lot of awkward conversations about why I don’t speak Spanish and how I learned English so well.
The other reason I don’t normally mention Jamaica is to rid people of the notion that the U.S. is a “white” nation. Some people, even in large cities, are under the impression that only white people live in the United States. I know this may sound hard to believe, but it is true. You see, since I look like a foreigner, people sometimes feel very comfortable speaking their true thoughts in front of me in Mandarin, assuming that I cannot understand. Even when Barack Obama was president of the United States, I heard people of different ages and socioeconomic backgrounds say things to Ben like, “But I thought only white people lived in the U.S.?” or “There’s no way she’s from the U.S.; I can tell by just looking at her.” In one case, I couldn’t help but responding in Chinese, “How are you so sure? Have you ever been to the U.S.?” I could tell from the look on this person’s face that I had surprised him by using Mandarin and that I had caused him great embarrassment. It was not my intention to cause him to lose face, but the confidence with which people sometimes speak things that are simply untrue can catch me by surprise.
When I walk by a child who asks their parents about me and where I am from, I am always walk away quickly to avoid hearing the answer. In so many cases, instead of admitting that they cannot possible know just by looking at me, some parents share their inaccurate assumptions with their children. She’s from Africa some will say. Others will guess that I am from India. I’m sure the country of India and the continent of Africa are both nice places, but I have never been to either. I cannot accurately represent the people who actually do come from these places just because I have dark skin. I imagine that if these same parents walked by someone in the United States, and a small child pointed at them and asked where they were from, and these U.S. parents responded confidently that they were from Japan, the Chinese person would feel affronted. The China-Japan relationship isn’t the closest one, and just because a person looks Asian does not automatically make him or her Japanese, Chinese, or Korean.
Of course, I am aware that my ancestors at some point did come from Africa, the continent. I mean, technically, we all did. It’s just that when I think about where I am from, I think about the places that have made an impression on me, that have affected my view of the world. Jamaica, the United States, and China would all be included. I do hope that one day I will have the opportunity to visit Nigeria, Madagascar, South Africa, or other countries in Africa, and these countries will also leave an imprint on me. While I’m at it, I should live in India too. I’m sure no one there will confuse me for Indian, but I don’t know that for sure. It would be interesting to go and find out!
The Reversal
I always hesitate to share my intercultural experiences as I see them. Someone out there is always going to say, “Well, you think negotiating your identity in China is hard? I have to do that every day as an Asian American.” I am sure there is also a Chinese person somewhere on the continent of Africa that is made to feel like an outsider every day. Of course, the interesting thing is that Chinese people view me as an outsider not only in China but in the United States as well. They have a very clear concept of what an “American” looks like, and I am not included in that definition.
Just like some people in the U.S, might ask an Asian American, “But like, where are you really from?”, when I tell people in China I am from the U.S., they will sometimes respond, “But like, were you born there?” or “Where are your parents from?” So, trust me, I understand. This blog is not just about the experience of a black woman in China. It is the experience of any person who has been made to feel like an outsider in the communities they are active members of.
To represent this similarity of experience, some blogs will feature a section called “The Reversal” where I talk about how I am having the same conversations in China that others are having in the US, Jamaica, or elsewhere.
**The featured photo was taken at a temple across the street from the Forbidden City in Beijing. Photo credits to Ezra Stephen Claverie, a dear friend.
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