I presented all of my research (see Did adenomyosis cause my miscarriage? for the research referenced here) to Ben, and his main concern was me. He wanted children, but he could live without them. We were a team, and we could be happy either way. He knew how hard this year had been for me both emotionally and physically, and he thought that maybe waiting at least one cycle would be a good idea.
I, of course, tried to talk him into starting right away. I argued that the hospital had given me one month of birth control to start taking immediately after the miscarriage. Once I stopped taking that, my first period would likely begin again in a few days. Then it would be another two or more weeks before I actually ovulated. This means that there would naturally be at least six weeks between the miscarriage and when we started trying again.
I also mentioned my concern about the benefit of the Zoladex wearing off soon, especially considering all the estrogen pumping through my body during the pregnancy and miscarriage. And did I mention that the birth control pills they gave me contained estrogen as well? More importantly, even a healthy couple only had about a 1 in 3 chance of getting pregnant each month assuming they timed baby dancing well. Timing this was not as easy to do as ovulation predictor kits would want you to believe.
I essentially argued that trying on my first cycle did not guarantee we would get pregnant on that cycle. I argued that my body would get pregnant again only when it felt it was well enough to do so. So, why not give it a try?
Ben being the extremely exceptional and supportive husband he is still wanted to wait. Just one cycle. I agreed.
When my first cycle started, a part of me still wanted to start right away. That was up until I got the flu. The full-blown flu. It was the first time in my life getting the flu, and it reminded me of the side effects of Zoladex. The flu had been so similar to how menopause had started for me, I did not know it was the flu at first. I thought it was some weird prolonged side effect of the drug now that I was no longer pregnant. It brought back the question, was the Zoladex still in my system? Would that be a good or bad thing for trying to get pregnant again? I would never know the answers.
The flu put me out of work for yet another week that semester. I felt so awful that even I thought trying again this month was a bad idea. However, things were not so simple. I started to develop two distinct views on the issue of trying again. I call view one Optimistic Maxi and view two Realist Maxi. Optimistic Maxi sometimes nicknamed the other perspective Pessimistic Maxi. They argued often.
But before I continue with the story, there are a few things I want to mention. While most explanations of when women ovulate tend to demonstrate a 28-day cycle where a woman will ovulate on or around day 14, the truth is that cycle lengths that are between 21 and 35 days long are considered normal.[i]A woman with a 35-day cycle is unlikely to ovulate on day 14. A woman with a 28-day cycle may also not ovulate on day 14. In addition, just because a woman ovulated on day 17 last month does not mean that she will ovulate on Day 17 the following month. While many apps and doctors will have a woman believe that she can make predictions about her future fertility based on her past cycles, this is simply untrue.
Another thing I want to mention is that external events can influence when one ovulates. For instance, getting the flu puts so much stress on a woman’s body, her ovulation may be delayed or skipped entirely (this is called an anovulatory cycle). It is a pretty smart survival mechanism if you think about it. If your body senses significant physical or mental stress, it figures now is not a good time to become a parent. It is important to note, though, that after you ovulate, the process is in motion. Even the flu cannot suddenly stop an egg that has been released from meeting a sperm and potentially starting a new life.
That month, even though Realist Maxi had decided not to try to make a baby because of the flu, I still kept track of the signs of fertility. It is always recommended to keep track of this information even in the months one is not trying. I was also curious about the first cycle after my miscarriage. How long would it be? Would there be any signs of ovulation? If nothing else, I needed to get back into the habit tracking signs and symptoms, such as taking my basal body temperature and checking my cervical mucus (CM). This was, after all, part of the work of trying to conceive for many women.
Not surprisingly, while I had the flu, I saw no signs of ovulation. It would not be until a week after I had pretty much recovered that I started seeing the signs of ovulation. Optimistic Maxi at this point took over decision making. She batted her eyelashes at Ben and said, “Can we just try? Pretty please.” OK, I might have said something slightly different, slightly more logical, but he agreed to try. This is now the second to last weekend of October, and we gave it a shot.
Only a couple of days later, I was convinced I was pregnant. Here is something I wrote at 9 days past ovulation (DPO). You can almost see Realist Maxi’s arguments with Optimistic Maxi about the chances I was pregnant in the excerpt.
My progesterone levels are decreasing. I can feel it. It’s 9 DPO. The symptoms that were once so strong last week are now slowly going away. And with it, my sense that Ben and I had managed to work another miracle. We did not catch the first egg after the miscarriage.
I think my progesterone levels may have just been higher this month, so the symptoms were quite strong, too strong to think that I could possibly not be pregnant. From the day after ovulation, I thought I was. This feeling became even stronger at two days past ovulation. By three days past ovulation, I managed to talk myself out of it. However, that night I couldn’t sleep. I felt nauseous and gassy and constipated and unbelievably, occasionally hungry, like you might when you’re pregnant.
I tried to convince myself that it could just be food poisoning, but after many bouts of food poisoning, I knew this wasn’t it. I told myself that the increase in progesterone that naturally happens during the luteal phase, the phase of your menstrual cycle from ovulation until your next period starts, is the likely culprit. This increase in progesterone will happen whether or not an egg has been fertilized. At three days past ovulation, you just cannot know whether or not you are pregnant. As it is, it takes 6 days minimum for a fertilized egg to implant.
But that night, in which I only managed to sleep 2 hours and 14 minutes, nonconsecutively, had me back at “I’m pregnant. I’m sure of it.” I even told Ben my crazy theory the next morning. That’s how convinced I was. At four days past ovulation, I told him about the hundreds of women who have said online that they knew right away when they got pregnant. I mentioned how it was primarily women who had been pregnant before. I mentioned my theory that since I was pregnant just two months before, I am probably more sensitive to what is happening.
To everyone else, I complained of food poisoning when I got to work that Thursday morning as I was still suffering from waves of nausea. The lack of sleep didn’t help either. I thought about saying to Don, “I think I might be pregnant again,” but I didn’t. It’s a good thing too because I’m now 9 DPO, and I don’t think I’m pregnant anymore.
With the last pregnancy, I don’t know when I ovulated exactly. My guess is July 31stor August 1st. On August 9th, I took a pregnancy test at night time and got a positive. This is important to mention because they normally recommend you test in the morning when you would have the greatest concentration of HCG in the urine.
And that’s when it hit me. I may have calculated wrong, and I may actually have gotten my positive on what would have been the day of my missed period. So, the earliest I should test, if I test again is Sunday. Sunday my basal body temperature can give me similar information though. It can let me know if my period is going to start. If it doesn’t drop, I’ll go ahead and test.
Did you follow that? If not, do not be surprised. In short, I was suspicious I was pregnant the day after I ovulated. I talked myself out of it at 3 DPO but was completely convinced again by day 4. Then I was not at all sure by 9 DPO when I wrote this all down. But by time I finished writing, I’d managed to convince myself again that I could be.
Trying to conceive is such an emotional roller coaster. I was trying not to get my hopes up, but I was so in tune with my body this past year I just felt it was possible to know right away. Realist Maxi was concerned about how I would handle it emotionally if my period showed up. Optimistic Maxi argued that no amount of emotional preparation could protect my heart from the disappointment if Aunt Flo came.
So, when Aunt Flo did show up on November 3rdat 10:30pm, I was surprised to feel a sense of relief more so than disappointment. While I very much wanted to be pregnant again, to be a Mom sooner rather than later, I think some part of me wanted a break from the ups and downs. I was relieved to just go back to a normal cycle. Realist Maxi also became more resolved that she was the logical one. In the weeks to follow, I would begin investigating surrogacy very seriously. After all, as far as I knew, the only problem was with my uterus. How much would it cost to borrow someone else’s?
** The featured image was taken the week after Aunto Flo’s visit. It was my first night out in a while. I played trivia with three of my colleagues, ate Chinese barbecue, and had one cocktail. It was wonderful to just go out, have fun, and enjoy the continued freedom from parental responsibility for the night.
[i]I strongly recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility to every woman, whether or not you are interested in having children. There is just so much information there that women should know about how their bodies and the hormones in them work. (Please note I do not make any money from my site or the resources I recommend on it.)
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