Puppy Parenting

I started this post at the end of November, but I became overwhelmed with starting work, packing, moving, unpacking, the holidays, preparing for classes, and so on. So, I bring to you my thoughts from the end of November, and how things are going now, mid-January.

End of November

If you look up getting a puppy online, you will easily find many websites that encourage you to think very, very seriously about doing so, as puppies are a lot of work. In fact, some will even argue that puppies are harder than babies. For example, you can check out this article from Fatherly.

I think every person’s experience with puppy parenting will be different, because as many sites will remind you, “Every dog is an individual.” This applies to humans too.

Having conceived, carried, breastfed, and raised a baby, I found puppy parenting to be nowhere as difficult. I greatly appreciate Maisa, Miska’s mom for the work she did carrying, breastfeeding, and caring for Miska during his first seven weeks of life. However, puppy parenting is hard in ways I hadn’t quite expected, though easier in other ways.

For instance, I expected any dog to have some difficulties with separation anxiety. While we chose this breed because it wasn’t as prone to separation anxiety as other breeds we were considering, we understood that any dog that was affectionate and family friendly would have some degree of separation anxiety. But this puppy wasn’t as affectionate as I’d expected. I’d assumed that I would have to work with him on giving me some space, but sometimes I feel like he barely tolerates me. While I wasn’t expecting “unconditional positive regard,” a myth about how dogs regard their human caretakers, I was expecting a little more affection. I imagined a dog laying at my feet while I typed away at my computer. Ha!

This dog seems happy with about three, five-minute petting sessions spread throughout the day. Anything more than that, and he starts nipping at you, which is his way of saying, “enough.” I also had people ask questions, like “Are you going to let your dog lick your face?” I wasn’t sure where I stood on this before getting the puppy, but it appears to be a non-issue. If given the chance, this dog is more likely to grab one of my two-strand twists and pull than he is to lick my face. I learned this from experience. I have to be mindful when I bend over to tie my shoelaces.

I also read everywhere about how one should never leave one’s dog unsupervised with a small child. I planned to follow this guideline before we got the puppy, but after getting Miska, I began to wonder why people even needed to be told this. I barely feel comfortable washing the dishes with the two of them in the same room because I don’t have my full attention on them both. In the back of my mind, I’m thinking, “How fast could I drop this dish and run to grab Alaya if I needed to?”

Now, for those reading this and might be concerned about Alaya’s safety, it’s not that Miska is aggressive. It’s that he’s a puppy. He sees Alaya as another puppy, and he wants to play with her in that way. He wants to jump on her, and he likes to grab her hair and pull, like he’s playing tug, and normally, Alaya finds this all very amusing because we’re there to pick her up. She even sets up the situation. For example, one can find her laying down on the couch and purposefully putting her hair in such a way that the puppy can easily grab a hold of it. I normally stop her before he gets a chance to grab on, but I’m not always fast enough. She loves it if the dog chases her because she always gets saved. She even laughs when he pulls her hair, as he’s never got it for long, before Bochuan or I free her. It’s clearly all great fun for her, but a lot less so for us.

While I knew that any dream of them being very best friends and keeping each other entertained were far-fetched especially while they are both so young—I do hope this will be the case in a couple of years—I didn’t expect to be on constant referee duty anytime they were both in the same room. In the early weeks, we often found it easiest to only deal with one at a time. If Miska was sleeping, we would focus on interacting with Alaya. If Miska was up, one of us would take him outside, while the other could focus on Alaya. If only one parent was home, then when Miska needed attention, the iPad would watch Alaya. Ironically, her favorite show is all about cats.

All that said, this doesn’t mean Miska never shows aggression. If he’s got something in his mouth that he shouldn’t have, and I want to get it from him, he might get quite aggressive because of his tendency toward resource guarding. Now, for those with dog experience, you might have several ideas about how I could reduce these problems. I don’t know exactly what you have in mind, but I am watching YouTube videos, working with a trained dog professional, listening to multiple books about training dogs, and am currently taking online courses, with titles like “Empowering Puppies,” “Behavior Adjustment Training 2.0,” and “Leash Belay for Dog Walking.” I have more plans to work with another trainer at the end of this month now that we’ve move to Järvenpää.

I’m starting to feel that training this puppy over his lifetime will cost me at least one year of American college tuition. I’m glad I don’t actually have to send him to university.

A few months ago, I listened to a podcast talking about parenting children, and the guest mentioned that today’s parents were the most informed and involved generation of parents than any preceding one—thanks, Internet—but they were also very insecure about how they were doing. That’s where I find myself this month. I have too many resources, way more than I could possibly all process in a short period of time. And despite spending most of my days prior to starting work either learning how to take care of and train the puppy, doing those things, making one schedule after another, cutting up treats, preparing mentally enriching activities for him to do, learning the Finnish necessary to talk about my puppy to strangers, I just feel like I’m failing at this puppy parenting thing.

Mid-January

By December, I started to change my mind about puppy parenting not being as hard as raising a child. It’s bringing me back to that first year of Alaya’s life, and while packing and moving, I felt like I was drowning. The only other time in my life I felt that overwhelmed was 2020, and I’m sure I don’t need to mention why.

One of the reasons people mention why having a puppy is easier than having a child, is that you can leave your dog home alone and run an errand. Well, after a noise complaint, we were hesitant to leave the dog home alone. Also, the puppy chews on the walls and furniture, and crating is illegal in Finland. So, there’s no way for us to leave him home alone, even for a short time, without the stress or worry that he’ll destroy the apartment.

However, the hardest part of having this dog is his reactivity. He gets overly excited when he sees people, other dogs, and wild animals. He’ll bark, lunge, and sometimes even growl at them. He often does this because he wants to meet the adult and have them pet him, play with the children and other dogs, or chase the bird or cat. Sometimes he’s genuinely afraid, and that’ll lead him to bark and try to run away. For instance, New Year’s Eve night, it was hard for us to keep him calm inside the apartment because of the fireworks, and we couldn’t take him out to use the potty at all. I’ve never seen him so anxious as that night.

While having a dog gets me outside more, moving more, and so on, taking our puppy out for a walk can be really stressful because of his reactivity. I am constantly concerned we’ll get a disturbance complaint from one of the neighbors or that the leash will slip, and he’ll jump up on somebody who didn’t invite him to. He’s done that twice so far, and I felt terrible, some mixture of embarrassment, shame, and failure. Taking him out for walks means having to be on guard every time we step out the door. While I wait for the elevator, I have to keep a short, tight leash in case someone’s on the other side when the door opens. This is particularly true if there’s another dog or a child. This is one of the reasons I’m taking the Behavior Adjustment Training 2.0 course I mentioned above, and we will be meeting with a trainer who has BAT experience at the end of this month to work on our walks.

On the positive side, Miska’s aggression has reduced significantly. I can tie my shoelaces with more confidence now. Miska hasn’t tried to pull my hair in a long time. He normally won’t pull on Alaya’s hair unless she asks him to. We try to keep her from asking him to do that, but it’s hard. She’s 3-years-old, and she wants so much to interact with the dog, she’s willing to do anything.

Another positive is that I can work from home 3-days a week most weeks, as I only have classes on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. We’ve also budgeted in doggy daycare two days a week. The daycare is only a 6-minute drive from us, and there’s another male dog of the same breed who goes five days a week. He’s 2 months older, and they play very well together. I just can’t believe our luck that the daycare has another male Finnish Lapphund puppy who goes there. Also, since he goes give days a week, he’s there no matter which days we choose to send Miska. Miska just started daycare this past week, and the other dog started the week before.

That first day he was at daycare was amazing. I had, for the first time since his arrival, 9 hours without a child or a puppy. It was fantastic. I just took care of myself. Imagine. I think puppy daycare will be good for him and us. He’ll get to play, interact with other dogs, and have the experience of someone else caring for him. I think it could help us on the road to raising a well-adjusted adult dog. Also, Bochuan and I will get an opportunity to focus on work, studies, errands, and maybe even our relationship. Imagine.

We also bought a car at the end of November, which is really essential with a puppy. For instance, Miska started throwing up last Saturday (for the second time that week), after all the nearby animal clinics were closed. So, we had to take him to the animal hospital. It was a 40-minute drive. What would we have done if we didn’t have a vehicle? The car also facilitates getting Alaya to daycare, which is a 15-minute drive, and Bochuan will use it to attend his program in Mäntsälä in the fall.

He’s been officially accepted to his program. I’m so impressed. Bochuan will have postsecondary degrees taught in Chinese, English, and Finnish by time he’s done with this program.

As for me and work, it’s started off very well. I had my first class this week, and the student engagement was beyond my expectation. I’m excited to be working at Aalto and teaching academic English again. I look forward to what the semester has in store.

But a final note on Miska and puppy parenting. Alaya loves him, and it’s clear he loves her too. When she’s at daycare, sometimes he’ll still go to her room door and pound on it with one of his paws. When she gets home, he’s just so excited to see her, he can barely control himself. If Bochuan, Alaya, and I went overboard, it’s clear that the puppy would save Alaya. And that’s beautiful to me.