This post is a sequel to “Pregnant (Maybe).” If you have not read it, you can read it here.
So, when I saw that drop of blood, I just assumed it would be the start of my period. This was either a chemical pregnancy or the HCG surge was somehow related to my simulated menopause. Ben and I had been getting ready to go to our weekly TCM appointment, so I put on a pad and went on the door. As we were walking, I started to worry about the cramps I was feeling, and I remembered that the doctor said to go back to the hospital if I started bleeding.
Instead of going to the TCM clinic, I ended up going to the hospital. I tried to stay calm, but I felt like I was definitely miscarrying. The hospital is about 25-minutes away by car, so it felt like a long drive while I tried to stay calm. When I got to the hospital, I immediately went to the emergency room. I figured that’s where you go when you are miscarrying. The people in the emergency room told me I had to go to the gynecology department.
Wait, what…
This meant, of course, that I needed to go see if I could still get a number this late in the afternoon and calmly miscarry while I wait for the doctor?
That didn’t sound right at all.
Ben went to see if we could get a number for today. Not surprisingly, all the numbers for seeing doctors that day had already been given out. I mentioned that the doctor told me to come to the hospital if I started bleeding. Like seriously, what do I need to do to see a doctor? Fortunately, the woman I spoke with was like, “You’re pregnant, right?”
Well, maybe… Yes? Not for much longer?
She got me an extra number for that day: 151. Then I went to the waiting room where I was my usual spectacle self. I sat in the waiting room with people openly staring at the black person in the room and discussing me as if I were both deaf and blind. The people who didn’t have easy view of me would make these walks over to my area looking at anything but me, then stop and slowly turn their head as if they were just naturally observing the scenery of the waiting room.
I have to tell you. We human beings think we are so slick. We imagine that we are like those spies on television who somehow manage to blend in with their coffee cups, newspapers, and ear pieces nonchalantly surveying the scene. However, in the movies, the audience can see clearly who the spies and agents are. It’s the same thing in real life. The average person is not an expert at blending in. In the hospital that day, person after person came by believing that their relaxed observation of me was somehow not at all obvious.
It was obvious, and I was not in the mood for the staring and discussions.
I was sitting in a waiting room where I knew everyone here would be seen before me because I was the extra number. Where I was sure that I was slowly miscarrying, and I could give a rat’s tuckus about these people’s “curiosity.” So, I found a dark alleyway behind a door where no one was, where no one could see me, and where I could still hear if my number was called.
Before that number was called, I had to use the bathroom. I was afraid of what I would see, but I had to pee. So, I went. Surprisingly, my pad was as white as when I put it on. There was no blood to be seen anywhere.
Uh… Maybe I’m not miscarrying?
When my number was called, there were about 8 other women in the doctor’s office. It was the doctor I had seen on Friday morning. Even though I’m sure she should have seen to the other women in the room first and I would have preferred she did so I didn’t have to talk about my health in their presence, she immediately turned her attention to me.
I have that effect in China. I don’t like it.
At her request, I gave her my number and the other documents I had acquired thus far, including the blood test results from Friday. Unlike the afternoon doctor, she looked at the results and exclaimed to me and the other 8 women in the room, “Oh, you’re pregnant! You’ve just become pregnant! Probably only a little over a week.”
She told me I had come back too early. I should have come back on Monday. I told her that I saw blood, so I came back. She said, “Was it a lot?” I said it wasn’t. She didn’t seem at all worried. She ordered another blood test.
I went to have them take more blood. Unfortunately, the test results would not come out until 3:30pm the next day. So, I had to wait one more day to find out for sure. Was I pregnant or not? When I told Ben what happened in the doctor’s office, he was already convinced I was pregnant. He was like, “The doctor said so.” Well, thisone said so…
One thing on the culture here in China. Notice how the doctor’s office had a bunch of women in it? Notice how Ben was not with me? In public hospitals in China, men cannot go back with women to talk to the gynecologist. The space is kept entirely female only. Men have to wait in the waiting area. I can see many benefits of this. For instance, if a woman found she was pregnant, she could decide whether she wanted to keep the baby without a boyfriend or a spouse immediately imposing his opinion.
For me, though, it added a layer of tension because I had to discuss my medical history alone in Mandarin in front of other women. Also, this room of complete strangers were learning about my pregnancy before my husband. However, it was because no men were allowed that I suppose doctors and women felt comfortable talking about their issues with strangers in the room. Or, more aptly, it was the lack of resources and large number of people that meant doctors had to see five or more times as many patients per day than say a doctor in the US. In such a setting, is it surprising to see 8 women trying to talk to the doctor at one time?
I’m glad I was seeing the doctor about being pregnant. I can’t imagine having to discuss an infection or something else. I should note that any physical examinations were done in a back room with more privacy at this hospital.
But back to the story. When I went back on Monday to get my blood test results, I was still worried that my HCG hadn’t increased enough from Friday morning to Sunday afternoon. Your HCG normally doubles every 2-3 days in early pregnancy. So, what if my HCG took 3 days to double? When I went to print out my test results, I was nervous to look at the numbers.
But the numbers made me smile. HCG 50.48 (more than tripling from the 15.12 result on Friday). I went to see the doctor, and it was yet a different one. She looked at the test results and told me to come back for a follow-up in a week. I wasn’t planning to though. I would find a hospital where doctors saw one patient at a time and Ben could come in with me.
But on August 13, 2018, I went home and took the digital pregnancy test that is the featured image for this post just for effect. And sure enough, it said the one word I had hoped and prayed to be for a year now.
Pregnant.
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