Maternity Photos across Two Cultures

There are many apps related to pregnancy that will encourage you to take photos of your growing bump weekly. However, I was not really inclined to do so during this pregnancy. At the beginning, I was fairly good about taking a photo every three weeks, but I stopped doing even that in the second trimester. The truth was that I wanted maternity photos like the ones on the walls of the hospital where I was having my prenatal checkups. They were professional and captured a particular moment in time, a moment where a woman’s body was being celebrated for its ability to make life and bring it into the world. These photos also celebrated the father’s role in the process and the gratitude he feels at being blessed with the opportunity to be someone’s parent. Photos that captured so much beauty, meaning, and gratitude were the kinds of photos I wanted. I was less interested in the “watch my belly grow” photos, though those can be fun too if done well.

The question was where could I take such photos. I wanted the experience to be one in which my foreignness was not the focus of the photographer and the photographs. I wanted to enjoy the experience, feel relaxed, and focus on the life that was being formed within me. With this in mind, I started by looking for photo studios in Shanghai using English. I figured that a photo studio that had an English version of their website was going to be more accustomed to working with foreigners. However, my search yielded few results. The few options I could find showed prices that made my eyes bulge. 500 – 600 USD for 10 photos?

Keep in mind that I am the kind of woman who spends only $200 on her wedding dress. Of course, that dress was absolutely gorgeous and tailor-made, but only because I was able to get that kind of service on the wedding street in Suzhou, a nearby city. It became clear to me that if I wanted these meaningful photos at prices I was willing to pay, I would need to search for studios using Chinese. Interestingly, the results for maternity photos were still sparse. However, I was able to find one studio specializing in maternity photos in Suzhou that had a package around $150. It even included in-house newborn photos for after the baby was born. Specifically, shortly after the baby is born, they will come to your home and take photos there for you. No need for us to take the baby all the way to the studio. 

Of course, choosing a studio that did not cater to foreigners made me nervous about “curious” or, more frankly, intrusive questions throughout the process. For instance, how did I meet my husband? Where did I work? How much money did I make? Did we own or rent our apartment? There are also what I call the “eye-rolling” questions. Where are you from? Were you born in the United States? Do you like Chinese food? Have you gotten used to living here? Don’t you miss your family? Why did you want to come to China if you’re from the US? 

In talking to my therapist about it, this is what I wrote:

Today, Ben and I are going to have some maternity photos taken. I’m a little nervous about the experience because I’ve never done anything like this before. Also, Ben and I attract so much attention. I don’t want to spend the three-hour time slot we have booked having to answer personal questions about our life. So, I’m going to try something new today. I’m going to work with my husband to come up with a statement that we can give at the beginning where we ask that the photographs and stylists respect our privacy and not ask more than we have chosen to share freely. I don’t know how it will work. I don’t want to seem cocky or obnoxious, but I also don’t want to keep subjecting myself to questions that make me feel so much discomfort. I’ll let you know what ends up happening.

So, Ben and I worked on a statement that we would give when we arrived at the photo studio. I told him that I wasn’t super sure about actually saying it though. Finding a way to stand-up for yourself out of a place of compassion was easier said than done.

Fortunately, when we arrived at the studio, we were directed to a computer to look at all the backgrounds and outfits they had available. With our package, we could choose three different backgrounds and related outfits. As we looked at all of our options, no one spoke to us or asked any questions. Under these circumstances, I suggested we not say anything for now. Once we had made our selections, I went into a small room to have my makeup done. In truth, I wasn’t sure about the makeup part of this process either. Afterall, I didn’t expect them to have the colors suitable for my skin. In this case, I was planning to tell them that I didn’t need makeup. I after all don’t normally wear makeup, and I don’t own any. So, I couldn’t bring some of my own. However, when I walked into the room to have my makeup done, they didn’t say anything. They had me sit down and started placing foundation on my face. The makeup process involved having my eyebrows shaved and eye lashes put on. It took about an hour to complete. 

In the room, there were two makeup artists. The one who started my foundation process was blessedly not the chatty type. The only things she said to me was “look up,” “look down,” “open your eyes,” “close them,” or similar such instructions. The other makeup artist was much chattier, but she was speaking to the person she was working on. She asked her a lot of questions about her work and life. So, when this makeup artist came to finish my makeup process, I didn’t feel too uncomfortable when she started asking me some of the questions above. Where did I work? Where was I from? Was I born in the United States? I could see that she was this way with everyone, not just a foreigner. Somehow the intrusive questions felt less annoying when I knew I wasn’t the only one subjected to them. The comments and questions that created the most eye-rolling for me were:

1. Is your husband going to be coming to join you for the photos? (Answer: Yes. The man playing with your son in the other room is my husband.) You’d think that I’d be used to it by now, but it still amazes me when people assume that Ben’s my personal assistant, classmate, translator, or something. When we go to a hotel, we have to state explicitly that Ben is checking into the room too. He’s not just here to help me. At the hospital, we have to point out that Ben can stay in the room for my consultation or examination cause he’s definitely seen it all already. Whose baby do you think this is? When we go grocery shopping, I have to point out that all the stuff in our one basket is in fact together. Chinese men do on the rare occasion choose to marry a black woman, and no, he doesn’t have a US green card. Believe it or not, he married me because he loves me. 

2. Did you cut your hair because your pregnant? (Answer: No.) Thanks for assuming I’m that self-sacrificing woman who chooses to give up her vanity for the baby. I’m not. I didn’t cut my hair because I’m pregnant and think that having long hair will somehow be too much work with a newborn. I didn’t cut my hair because it’s summer time and hot. I cut my hair because I’ve been wanting to do it for years, but I was too insecure to do it before. I was afraid of not being seen as feminine, pretty, or capable of growing long, beautiful hair. I don’t know why I suddenly got over all these insecurities at the end of May and just did what I wanted to do, but I’m glad I did it. 

3. You must miss having long hair. (Answer: Not at all.) I have no idea why I didn’t do it sooner. I love my hair. I love the texture, curl, and thickness of it. And I still get to enjoy all of that with it being short. In fact, I get to enjoy it more because I don’t need to style it or manipulate it in anyway. I just let it be as it is, and I feel like I look much more like myself. I’m the kind of woman who does not like to spend a lot of time “grooming.” Sure, I like to do a face mask every now and again, but I don’t get any joy from putting on makeup, painting my nails, or other similar practices. Now that I spend only about 30 minutes or less on my hair a week, I feel even freer and truer to myself.

4. You should have waited until after the photos to cut your hair. (Answer: Silence.) Seriously, I don’t remember asking for your opinion. And now that I have heard it, I still don’t care what you think.

When Ben saw me with the makeup on, he was taken aback by how “white” they made my skin look. I think ghostly is the better word to use. I can’t tell if the whiteness of the overall makeup look was done on purpose to lighten me up, or if the colors they chose were already the darkest colors they had. Fortunately, photoshop can do a lot to blend things in. When Ben and I went to select the photos we wanted, we emphasized that we wanted them to even out my skin tone. Make my face color look more like my chest color, please. Also keep the photos as natural looking as possible. There’s no need to make my arms and cheeks look smaller, or smooth out my shoulders. I want the photos to look as much like me as possible.

The photoshoot itself was fun. The photographer told me exactly what to do. He told me where to put my hands, how much to tilt my chin, where to cast my eyes, how to position my legs, and everything else. He did this verbally, but he would also use body gestures to demonstrate what he wanted. It was cute to watch him. Ben said it was cute to watch me. Overall, had it been up to me to figure out how to stand and sit, the photos would not have come out very well. I’ll let you decide which of the following photos is your favorite. 

However, the maternity photo experience did not end there. About a week later, I received a voucher for a maternity photo shoot at one of the places that does cater to foreigners. In fact, the owner is from the United States. He wanted to create a family-centered photo studio that focused on the beauty of more “natural” photographs. He felt that many of the photo studios in China tended to offer more “dramatic” options, with clothes and backgrounds you wouldn’t encounter in real life. So, even though his studio also had a variety of backgrounds and outfits, they encouraged people to bring their own clothes and other props that were meaningful to them. In this case, I brought my wedding rings, which I don’t currently wear because my fingers are now too fat for them. I also brought the necklace Ben’s parents gave me as a gift and the blue booties Ben’s mom knitted for the baby. At the studio in Suzhou, in contrast, I was asked to remove my necklace, my eyeglasses, and my watch because they didn’t match the themes, and I was only given the props they had available. The Suzhou studio also wanted me to wear high-heeled shoes, while Ben and I were barefoot for all the photos at the other studio.

Unlike the 3-hour photo shoot experience I had in Suzhou, I was only at this studio for one hour, which was good because I was now 36+ weeks pregnant and found even one hour of posing tiring. I declined to have any makeup done, and Ben and I encouraged them to edit the photos as little as possible. This was my opportunity to have photos that looked just like us. We didn’t take off our glasses or our watches, and we specifically featured items that were meaningful to us. Here’s the result.

We are eternally grateful that we were able to have both experiences and all without having to spend anywhere near 500 – 600 USD. We’ve had so many ups and downs this summer with my fainting, moving, unkindness, and so much more. However, this was definitely an up. It was a gift. We are very grateful. What I like about all the photos overall is that it could easily go into one album, and no one would ever know we had taken them at two different places. Nevertheless, if you look closely enough, you can see the different values of beauty in the backgrounds, outfits, makeup, and the ways the photos are or are not edited.  

#China #pregnancytwo #livinginChina #blackinChina #photos