When is the baby due?
I get this question a lot. I tell people either August 10th or August 14th. August 10th is based on the start of my last menstrual period. The latter date is based on when I think I ovulated. It’s also based on the first ultrasound that I had at 5 weeks and 6 days. Early scans are more accurate than later ones, primarily because as the baby gets bigger, it’s really hard to get one full shot of its development. Also, baby’s will really vary in their development in the later stages of pregnancy. All the apps that tell you how much your baby weighs this week is based on an average. Taller, larger parents will likely have a fetus that’s also taller and heavier. Ben and I, on the other hand, are very likely to have a smaller baby. In fact, at our 37-week ultrasound, the doctor said our baby was “skinny.” She wasn’t concerned about the size though. Ultimately, I normally say the baby is due August 14th, even though the hospital has August 10th written on my medical records.
Of course, both dates don’t matter very much for the most part. These numbers are all just estimates, and your baby is concerned “full-term” any time from 39 weeks – 40 weeks and 6 days. It used to be that a baby was considered full-term anywhere from 37 weeks to 42 weeks. However, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recently stated that a baby before 37 weeks is considered “premature.” A baby born before 39 weeks is considered “early term,” and a baby born after 41 weeks is considered “late term.”
After learning that information, I said, “Alright baby, this means you’re aiming for any time between August 7th and August 20th.” This isbased on when I think I ovulated and that early scan. Closer to the 7th would be preferable because there would be less overlap with the start of the fall semester. And while I will not be teaching in the fall, Ben will still have to work after his two weeks of paternity leave have ended. After his two weeks of paternity leave, Ben is planning to take more time off, but he’ll slowly increase the amount of days he’s working until he starts working full time again. For instance, he’ll take two full weeks off. Then the third week, he’ll work 2 out of 5 days; the fourth week, he’ll work 3 out of 5 days; and so on.
As I progressed through the third trimester, I was really grateful for every week before 37 weeks that the baby didn’t come. I prayed that the baby wouldn’t be born premature. People would ask me if I wasn’t ready to serve the baby an eviction notice being so big in the heat of the summer, but I honestly didn’t feel that way at all. I was in no rush to move the baby from within my belly to outside of it. I figured I’d be carrying the baby around a lot whether it was inside or outside in the next few months. I knew that inside was easier because I didn’t have to deal with crying, the initial pains of breastfeeding, or dirty diapers. I also knew that until 39 weeks, inside was healthier for the baby. I was in no rush to meet a baby that has been a part of me throughout my pregnancy. I knew that our relationship was already well-established.
Is the baby a boy or a girl? What does he or she look like? I want to know, but I am in no rush to find out.
Of course, my lack of rush is also because every day the baby doesn’t come gives me another day to learn more about breastfeeding, soothing, postpartum care, and so much more. I will never truly be ready for the baby’s arrival, but I take every day I have to prepare as a gift. Now, I don’t always use my time to read or research. I sometimes simply rest, watch television, or enjoy the silence I know will come at a premium in a few short weeks.
Besides baby prep, Ben and I have nice dinners out, sometimes accompanied by a movie. We meet up with many friends to have lunch, dinner, or afternoon tea. We make delicious home-cooked meals, knowing that the time where it’s just the two of us is coming to an end. Of course, we are excited to become three, and being a parent doesn’t have to mean that date nights are a thing of the past. But we both know things will never be quite like this again, and this is good. Ben and I have enjoyed our lives as just a couple.
If only my weeks just continued in this way.
Amidst the final preparations and meet-ups, at 36 weeks and 2 days, I went for my next prenatal appointment. At this point, we are going weekly. The previous week, the hospital where I agreed to deliver, sent me a text message to let me know that they were moving their facilities into a new building next door. I would likely be the first person to deliver my baby in the new place!
Let me say that the excitement was theirs, not mine or Ben’s.
We weren’t sure that we wanted to give birth to a baby in a place that was so recently renovated. However, we were assured that they had done testing and could show us reports that the air quality and other features of the space were up to standard and safe for both patients and staff to be. Afterall, they were going to be working there themselves. They wouldn’t move into an unsafe space, right?
Well, when I got off the elevator at the new location, I was hit with the smell of “recently renovated.” The sales person who had shown me around the old facilities 7 months earlier was there, and she offered me a mask to wear because of the smell. Most people who were working there that day were wearing masks. That didn’t seem like a good sign. However, I went with it. The feeling that day was very different from my previous prenatal appointments. Every receptionist was on the phone; more people than normal were milling around the waiting room; and you could see the stress on the staff’s face. It was clear that people were not yet accustomed to the new space.
Even so, my prenatal appointment started as normal, with me peeing in a cup, or at least that was the plan. When the nurse took me back to start the basic checkup, she spent 10-15 minutes looking for the cups. This didn’t feel like a good sign either. Imagine if my baby decided to show up that day, would the doctors and nurses be able to find the medical equipment they needed in a timely manner to support me through labor?
I’ll mention here that the day before this appointment, I experienced what is called “lightening.” This is an early labor sign, where your baby drops lower into your uterus in preparation for his or her exit. It’s normally called lightening because when the baby moves down, it takes pressure of your stomach, lungs, and other organs making breathing easier and reducing heartburn symptoms. It does put renewed pressure on your bladder, lower back, and rectum, however, and may make you waddle a bit more.
I actually had a small panic attack when I first realized that my stomach had literally dropped down. It was so noticeable to me, and I was suddenly researching “How long after lightening does labor begin?” To answer that question, it can be anywhere from a few days to a month or more for first time moms. So, needless to say, the baby could really come at any time. But was the place I was supposed to deliver my baby really ready?
When they took me to go and see the labor and delivery (L&D) room, things only got worse. The L&D room is on a separate floor, and when you get off the elevator, you can still see a layer of dust from the renovation. You can hear the sound of drills. The closer we walked to the L&D room, the dirtier the place got. I immediately started thinking, “No way.” In order to get to the L&D room, you need to pass the operating room, which is still under construction. In the two door ways of the operating room are just large sheets of plastic separating the hallway from the ongoing renovation.
Unfortunately, the L&D room was only a few feet away from that. The floors were dirty, and they had already moved in the medical equipment despite the place not being clean. Was I supposed to give birth on that bed?
The size was also an issue. The L&D room in the new building was literally 1/3 of the original. The original had three main sections. The first section was a family area with toys, a couch, and other amenities to make the place feel like home. You could close off this space from the rest of the hospital floor using a curtain and a door to increase privacy. It allowed you to incorporate your older children, if you had them, or other family members in the birth process. There were toys and a place for children to sleep. This family section could also be closed off from the L&D area, which had all the medical equipment you would need for you and baby. It was a good amount of space with a birthing ball and other props that allowed you to labor in different positions and move around. The final section had a shower and a jacuzzi. They could be used at any time during the labor to help you with pain management. It was overall, a large, comfy, family-oriented space that I had been visualizing giving birth in for months.
Then they moved a month before I was due to deliver, and the new space had no family area, no jacuzzi, and one of the two labor rooms they showed us didn’t even have a shower. Not even a shower… There was also little space to move around in the rooms. In fact, the patient room I would be staying in after delivery was larger than the L&D room, and the room where I had just finished my consultation with the doctor was even bigger.
Why were the new consultation rooms more than 2x the size of the L&D rooms? Who designed this place? Who agreed to this layout? Who thought this was a good idea?
And it still got worse. When Ben brought up concerns about what we were seeing, his concerns were quickly dismissed by the person giving the tour. When we talked to the sales person who had shown me the old delivery room seven months earlier, she also made excuses instead of apologies. Everyone we spoke to that day just seemed stressed and like they found our dissatisfaction to be the grumbling of the entitled.
Don’t get me wrong; Ben and I are very privileged here in China. We chose this hospital because we wanted a “luxury” level of care after the care we received when I miscarried. To do so, we were choosing to go with what my insurance calls a “luxury provider,” meaning that I would have to pay a 20% copay for any checkups and delivery there. However, the new L&D rooms were not at a luxury level, and more importantly, they weren’t clean enough for a newborn baby. And that’s really what we cared about most.
This place was still a construction site. We could not deliver the baby here. So, what could we do at 36+2 weeks pregnant?
I spent the rest of that afternoon making phone calls. I needed to find a new place to deliver that would take someone as far along as I was. I thought immediately of the hospital where my doctor friends worked and where I had stayed after the fainting episode. The person I spoke with said he couldn’t guarantee they’d take me after 36 weeks, but I could have a consultation with an OB/GYN to see what they could do. This meant getting all my medical records from the original hospital, spending the night in Shanghai, and going to the new hospital the next morning to talk to an OB.
It was extremely stressful. I spent the weekend praying that I wouldn’t go into labor then.
It’s been a week since this all happened, and the baby has been kind enough to stay put in my belly, though I’ve started having false labor contractions, often called Braxton Hicks contractions. I still don’t have a 100% answer on where I’m going to give birth when this baby decides to make an appearance, but things are slowly falling into place with the new hospital. They are waiting for a few more test results to confirm they can handle my transfer, but it should be a done deal in a few days.
As for the old place, I’m waiting for everything to be finalized before I let them know for sure that I just can’t give birth there.
Because I certainly can’t.
*The featured image is of one-person pool / bath that Ben and I plan to use for pain management at our new birthing location, wherever that may be.
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